10.02.2010

Running Tights


Running Tights


Or... I guess I should say the topic in question is what I'm not loving today. Or, what I want to love but just cannot get behind. (har, har, har: "behind." Tight pants. Get it??)


It's a blustery, chilly fall day here in Milwaukee, with cloudy skies and a high of 52 degrees. A far cry from the absolutely gorgeous weather we've had all week, and the equally gorgeous weather that is forecasted for the upcoming week. You know, starting Monday. Just after the weekend. But cold or no cold, I don't have a gym membership, and if I want to keep up with my running, I have to sack up and keep hoofing it outside. And do you know what running outside in the cold means?


Lycra. 


Spandex.


RUNNING TIGHTS.


Every fall I actually get excited to suction my lower half into the running tights, envisioning myself as one of the cute, little 100-pound runners that prance along the lakefront in seemingly effortless strides, nary a bead of sweat upon their brow, an angelic rose hue ever-so-softly gracing their nose and cheeks.


The actuality of the situation is that once the tights are on, my donk exposed in all its black, shining glory, tightly wrapped in synthetic fabrics, I suddenly realize I am not a tiny, bouncy runner. I am a wide-strider who drips sweat no matter the temperature, and ever since one of my brother's friends declared that I had a "ghetto booty" in eighth grade, have been incredibly aware of my rear in any kind of form-fitting pant.


But, it's a necessity. I hate running in sweatpants and baggy pants. It slows me down and makes me feel frumpy. I'll wear a pair of shorts over the running tights, but the running tights will be there. They will always be there. No matter how much I try to convince myself I can run in 30-degree temperatures with nothing but a long-sleeved shirt and some 2.5" running shorts (I've done this a number of times. My teeth have been chattering and snow has been falling as my red, wind-chapped legs are exposed to the elements).


So, as I am forced to run outside more this fall/winter than I ever have before (the Tyranena Half Marathon is just five weeks away!), it will be inevitable that more running tights must be purchased. The only thing is, they are OUTRAGEOUSLY expensive! I've yet to come across a worthy pair that cost less than $40. I'm not about to spend $70 on a piece of clothing that strikes fear into my soul upon a simple glance. 


So what I guess I am asking is, if anyone has any connections to the underground running apparel mafia, or whose rich uncle just happens to be John Lycra* himself (or maybe if you just know of a place that sells quality, reasonably-priced cold-weather running gear), let me know. I'm on the lookout.










*Let it be known that I don't actually think there is a John Lycra, just as I discovered Bill Asics was not the fellow who crafted my Nimbus 12's.

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