Enough Cuke to Puke

So, uhhh...... remember the other day when I said my cucumber plants was expanding rapidly but had only produced little baby teenager cucumbers thus far?

WRONG.

Way wrong.

I must be the most oblivious gardener in the world because when I was snapping photos of the garden earlier this week I completely missed this MONSTER of a cucumber! I was walking by the garden yesterday and just happened to glance down to notice a behemoth, tennis-ball-can-sized cuke just lying there, proudly reigning over its cowering kingdom of twerp-sized cucumber relatives.

To illustrate the size of the cucumber, here it is next to a very wiggly (and apparently hungry) Mr. Pancakes.

And, mind you, Mr. Pancakes is no imp of a cat.

I'm taking this as a hint that I probably need to go outside, get low and actually take a close look at what beasts may be growing underneath all those coiling vines and leaves.

I'm fairly certain if this cuke was taken before congress to testify it had never done steroids, it'd be found guilty of perjury.

Or maybe it wouldn't.

I assure you, all of my produce is 100% organic, because I wouldn't know the first thing about how to enhance them. But, daaaaaangg, does it look like something hit up a stockpile of HGH or what?